I believe trust is one of the most important element to a relationship and just my luck, I can't trust and believe me, it is a horrible, crazy, scary, lonely place to live.
I have worked out this theory in my head that makes sense to me, that you can't 100% trust someone because you are not them. You are not in their head and do not know what they are thinking. You are unable to know if they are omitting information, or what the person is really thinking, so therefore you can't 100% trust someone.
I would really like to learn to trust someone. And if you are wondering where this feeling has come from, no, I have never been cheated on before or have been in a dishonest relationship. The only explanations I have for not being able to trust someone, might be my parents divorce. I thought everything was perfect until one day they told us they were getting separated. For me, this doesn't seem to be the reason for my mistrust, but it might. I have also considered the power aspect of it, which seems closer to what I believe. If I never "trust" someone then they can never lie to me or take advantage of me. I keep my power. But, I have found even though I say I don't trust people to protect myself, if someone were to lie to me, i know it would hurt just as much. I also KNOW that my insecurities is also what is keeping me from trusting, so I am working on that too. Lately, learning to trust has been at the top of my to do list. I know how important it is in a relationship to have this and I know it is important for my boyfriend to have my trust.
On the other hand, It is extremely important for me for someone to trust me. I believe this is possible because I know myself and my intentions and thoughts and I know someone can trust me. I work really hard to gain people's trust. Karma keeps me honest and just wanting to be a good person keeps me honest. I don't lie to my boyfriend because I think if I do, then with Karma, he is lying to me to. So if I am honest, I can only wish he is being honest with me too. This semester I am taking a Relational Ethics class that I really enjoy. In class we read a book called "Lying" by Sisella Bok. I was hoping this would be my answer. This book would provide me with a theory that I can adapt to help me learn to trust. I really loved the book and taught me a lot about lying and truth. But when it came to learning how to trust it basically said I can only trust that people are being truthful. Truthful meaning telling what they know to be the truth! I don't want someone's perception made as my own truth. It still doesn't feel like enough. So I continue to struggle and stay too afraid to just let go, it's too hard. One day I hope to find that way of letting go and just hoping people won't lie to me will be sufficient. Until then I'm not sure of anything.
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Hmmm, the trust issue. I believe a lot of people can feel where you are coming from. I know I do. I normally look at people as though they will be mostly honest to me, so therefore I have already accepted that their might be variances along the way. It might be a harder way of approaching life (I've been told this by my friends) but it is how I make it through. The dynamics between people are so varied that it is hard to finally reach that pure trust place in space. I totally get you and applaud your honesty in this blog.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting such an honest and sincere blog. I still have to believe and go through life trusting people. I may get burnt over and over. But the alternative is going through life still getting burnt/hurt by people you love or complete strangers and missing out on all the good people/experiences and lessons that you do get from trusting and letting people in.
ReplyDeleteTrusting someone might be very difficult to do sometimes, specially in our present time where you really don't know who you can trust, but it is also important to recognize that in order to trust in someone we must start with trusting ourselves. When you trust in your self you will be willing to trust in someone else. I understand that sometimes we have to take the risk but that is part of our life. The only thing I can assure you that there is someone in your heart that you can trust and the will never disappoint you. Look in your heart and you will find the answer.
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